From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize