i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
