when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Drunk is a universal language darling
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