woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
