hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
