sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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