I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
