how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
