just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
