Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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