we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sorry about my life...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize