Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
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