I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she told me i tasted like america
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
