My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
