Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Mom said you looked used
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
