He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
