She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
