just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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