I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
