Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
