we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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