i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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