Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize