Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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