We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
