If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Fuck appropriateness.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize