If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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