I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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