i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize