My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
