I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
