Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
