no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
