so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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