Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My dick has a subreddit
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize