new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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