omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
