FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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