Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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