I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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