Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
