she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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