you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
