Do you still have your period?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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