you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Drake has all the answers
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
