Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
