Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
