he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
