you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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