i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
