well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
