I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
do herpes really smell.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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