i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
