When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
