I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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