you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
