these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
