Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
