The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She's the barista slut.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
