3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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