Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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