just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
