i already hear my dad disowning me
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We need to get me chipped asap
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize