i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it's like iHOP with fire
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize