I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
