so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
