I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
