im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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