dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize