As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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