Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So many bounce houses so little time
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
