Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
