Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
