I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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