who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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