I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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