why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
