im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sorry about my life...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
