I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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