I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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