Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
