I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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