somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
