i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I understand Curling. That high.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
