Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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