Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Couch. On fire.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
