I CAN MOONWALK!
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
