For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize