i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
