i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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