and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
