Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
