woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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