This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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