I just made out with a guy for $7.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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