so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
