the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
