I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
