I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
whose parrot is this?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
