i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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