Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You're like the curious george of whores
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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