porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
