I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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