Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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