I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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