That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
