So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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