I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
