Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
worst night to have a conscience
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
