So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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