she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
