He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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