does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
