Screwed.edu
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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