She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
vagina is talking i cant
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
